And another month goes by.....

I am finally on a new computer. My other one was practically useless, went sooooo slow. This new one came today, like an early Christmas present to me! Bad news is, it has Vista on it. But I guess I will get used to it.

Sad note, my biological dad died Saturday. I had not seen him in 12 years or so. He was pretty abusive, mostly emotional, and once I had the boys, I had a hard time going around him. The last time I saw him, Logan and Dylan were almost 2 years old, and we stopped by because I saw him outside. Needless to say, he went off in one of his tirades (mostly about my mom and Pop), and I had to just leave. No way I was going to have my children subjected to any of that. It was bad enough I had to hear it. Several issues with his dying.....first off, no one called to tell us. My sister in law had a friend who saw it in the paper, and she called me Sunday morning. Sunday was a very long day. I got the obit out of Monday's paper, and to my surprise, (altho I have no idea why), I was not named at all. I haven't really processed that yet, not sure how to feel about it. I cannot imagine doing that to your child though, no matter what the relationship. Pop took me to the funeral home yesterday morning, and I was allowed to see him by myself. I put a couple of pictures of me and him together when I was a baby under his pillow. I told him I was sorry and that I forgave him as well. Kinda weird for Pop to be the one to take me to see my dad, but fitting as well. He has been a better dad all the way around anyway. I am very lucky and grateful to have him in my life.

The boys and I went back to the visitation last night. My friend Leslie and her son met us there. She knew Betty (stepmonster) and my dad too. I got to see Uncle Paul and Aunt Gay (his brother and his wife from Utah) and that was nice. I love any opportunity to show off my boys. I spoke to my youngest half brother Paul, although he seemed very uncomfortable and made no effort to introduce me to his wife or kids. I then spoke to Betty and expressed my sorrow. She said something about being sorry things didn't work out the way I wanted them to....not sure exactly what she meant by that. We all stayed home today to rest up...grief is very tiring. No one has slept well these past 2 nights. Hopefully tonight will be better.